Insomniac
by fate-at-work
Summary: L’s reflecting on his relationship with Light. Angsty and short poem fic, not a poem. Light/L. Credits to the author of the short poem of the same title. M for suggestive themes.


**A/N:** It's 4 days till L's birthday! Wee! And since his birthday is nearing, and because I'm kind of obsessed with Death Note again (because my sister's friend finally returned back my death note live action VCDs, and I watched it again, which made me watch the whole Death Note anime) I posted this fic prior to his birthday (and I will still post the real birthday fic for L on his birthday). Writing this wasn't really part of my plan, but recently I read again our university publication's lit folio, "Kuwaderno", and I saw this great poem, Insomniac, and I thought, 'hey, I could make use of this as a basis for a dn fanfic!', and that's how it is. Haha.

And because I've wasted my time on writing this and my L birthday fic, I am not able to update "An Eccentric Student Council", and I'm very sorry for that. I'll try to update it as soon as I can. And, as I always say, constructive criticisms are very much welcome, and hope you enjoy reading this fic.

**Disclaimer:** The whole death note merchandise is owned by its creators, Obata-san and Ohba-san. All credits are duly given to them. The same goes with the poem used for this fic.

**Warning/s:** Hints of yaoi, but not graphic. Angst. If either of these, or both, is not your cup of tea, you are welcome to leave. And since I've already issued a warning, you are not given the right to flame.

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**Insomniac**

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_A chill comes up my spine_

_Echoing bellows reveal secret of each lies;_

_I shred every doubt to find answers in between_

Shivers. Screams. Moans. I let myself open as his lips left trails along my body, planting butterfly kisses with every inch of porcelain skin his lips reach, whispers of affectionate, yet deceitful words curling out from his blasphemous mouth. This act of make-believe fantasy that both of us play in the dark were illusory, fabricated, never to become real. Even I know that. Even he knew.

That's how we are at night.

_Darkness falls upon the misty scent of fury_

_The silent night wrestles its way to reality_

_Then a handful of condemnation feeds the mind with anxiety..._

Yes, when twilight comes, our defenses are discarded to the floor, like nothing really mattered except for the two of us entangled in cream-colored sheets that were bound to be soiled after a night of rendezvous where only he and I were invited. Skin against skin, naked like the day we're born. Both of us were seeking for release, before the sun made its way back up again the next day.

As such time light shines through, we're ourselves. We're allies, but also rivals. We fight. We team up. We mess up. We scream profanities against each other. Yet we still manage to make up for the sake of the case at hand. We're equals. We're friends. I want to think of our relationship as that.

And yet why am I feeling inferior to him?

_It threatened the very essence of my soul_

_Forging closer and closer_

_As if to devour me whole_

I no longer know who I am supposed to be. L? Ryuuga Hideki? Ryuuzaki? Kira's enemy?

...or Kira's lover?

Already it eats out my insides, not leaving anything that closely resembles who I am from the start, forcing me to take out a new form I didn't even knew I have, a side of me belonging to him, and only for him, and at his disposal.

_Tremors verify the vivid vigour of the unseen_

_Slowly pouring out delusions I cannot imagine_

Shivers. Again, he tells those lies sweeter than any confection I have tasted in my entire life, brushing his lips along the contours of my body, bringing another new wave of pleasure unlike any other. I close my eyes to everything, revelling in the feeling of bliss washing over me. It's wrong, I know. But, already I am falling deep into this mess, no longer able to escape from his grasp. With every touch, kiss, embrace...they only added weight on my chains connected to him, while feeding my keen mind of his deceptions I very much wanted to be real.

_I remain a captive of insanity_

_With just a string that keeps me hanging_

I still have a little bit of what I am left. Already, I'm about to give up and give in to Kira, let myself defeated without a fight. I'm already tired of holding on to myself, to keep myself from plunging deeper than supposed to.

One thrust inside me was all it took to push me down the edge toward this so-called madness.

_The world revolves around me, but I stand there; still..._

_Rambling over verge of tears..._

_Unaware of a day's rest..._

_Unable to gather my strength..._

Even if I strive, even if I struggle...life still goes on. And he still wins. I already knew that fact, yet I am unable to let go of this need to expose him and his crime, to defeat him in this losing battle where the victor is already determined from the start. But just sheer determination wasn't enough to break free of his hold made up of all those phantasms he created.

I'm already stuck on him. And I could never let go even if I wanted to.

I cannot go on any longer. But I cannot stop, either.

_Unable to sleep..._

_...what time is it?

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**A/N: **It would help me improve my skills a lot if you comment. Thanks for reading. ^_^


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